So this is a tough post to write, in more ways than one. As you know, we were so excited for Mathans 30th birthday, because then we would be able to start actively looking for our little girl. Well, that came and went, and we found the most perfect little girl. She was so cute and perfect and I just loved her (still do) so so much. She felt like "my" little girl. So we went about the business of getting our paperwork ready to send to China, requesting permission to adopt her, and had it all ready in less than 24 hrs!! We weren`t letting any grass grow under OUR feet!!
Fast forward a few days....we become aware of a very unplanned and pretty shocking event to happen in our lives. Baby # 5 will be joining our family in August. There, I said it. I`ve been trying to be in denial over everything that has happened so quickly but theres no denying it anymore. So because of the pregnancy and some other factors, we lost our wonderful little girl. We can`t move forward with her adoption at this time. I won`t say that I understand or want it to be like this, my preference wouldn`t be this road. Its been rough, that`s maybe an understatement. On top of grieving this little girl, who felt like my own and was loved SO MUCH already, I have been pretty sick with morning sickness, which is pretty much all day sickness. I have so many questions for God, most of which I`ll probably never have an answer to. I was so angry...I worked through that and now I`m kindof at the trying to accept part. I know deep down in my heart that God is good, always, my brain just doesn`t always get the memo. I also feel like that for God to give us this baby, right now, at this point in time, knowing we would lose our little girl, it must be a really special child. I`m just going to be blunt and honest, because this is what I`m working through...I`m having trouble accepting this pregnancy...I know how that sounds, I know..its just the truth and I`m working through it. So prayers for that would be most welcome.
We still feel led to adoption, and after the baby is born we will assess everything and more than likely start the process back up. My heart is towards adoption, I believe in it so much. Part of me has questioned God as to why it is better to bring another child into this world, than for us to bring a child into a home that has no home or family right now. I can`t see the answer to this question yet, and maybe never will but I have to trust that God is working something out for our good. Someone shared a quote with me that made me sit back and think and gave me hope..."Don`t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." I`m going to remember this.
I know there will be some questions regarding the money that people have so generously shared with us to bring our child home....at this time we still feel like there will be an adoption. It`ll just be a little longer down the road than we anticipated. If we come to a point where we feel we probably aren`t going to try again, we will return the money that we know who to give back to, and the rest we will pass onto another family that is adopting. If anyone has questions about this, please feel free to contact us. We want to be good stewards of what was given to us.
So in closing, we would ask for prayers as we work through this...this isn`t what we would have chosen but it`s where God has us for now. I would also ask for prayers for the little girl, that another family would see her and choose her, that she would have a family that will love her so much and teach her about Jesus. I can`t bear the thought of her staying in an orphanage, she needs to be loved. It hurts my heart to think about her, but I know God has a plan for her life also. I had bought some things for her...they have been put away and I don`t know if they will ever be gotten back out or not. Part of the reason I haven`t wanted to share this news with anyone is because I haven`t been in a good place to talk about the adoption or the pregnancy. Its coming but its still hard to talk about. If anyone has any questions please ask us, we will share. It literally feels like I lost one of my children that is here at home even though I never saw her in person or got to hold her. And thats probably what hurts the most, I`ll never get to see her, or cuddle her, or see her meet her siblings, who have prayed for her every night for a long time. I won`t get to see her meet her grandparents or her little cousins. But I will pray for her, that she will recieve all those things in another family.
Thanks for listening and if you feel to pray we would appreciate it!
Blessings on your week!
Our Family!
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Saturday, December 6, 2014
So close...and a heavy heart
Things are happening, and moving right along...F.i.N.a.L.l.Y 
We are very close to submitting for Pre approval, and having a face and name to call our own. Just waiting on that pesky 30th birthday, that Ch*ina seems to require....I have a young husband, lol! Only 13 more days til that happy event! And barring any further complications, our homestudy will be done and sent flying on its way to USCIS, (immigration, to give us approval to bring a child into the US) by the end of the month, with lots of prayer for good things to happen quickly. (except, I`m not really sure that the word *quickly* can be used for any part of this process, but one can hope, right?!) And after that?! We will be DTC!! (Dossier to Ch*na, which all of our Very Important Papers, for Ch*na to approve) It`s really seeming real now, and not just something vague that we`re working towards.
And the heavy heart...it`s really hit me just how many waiting children there are...not just in Ch*na, but all across the world. And how in the world can you pick just one child out of the many that deserve the same chance to have a family??!! And, honestly, one of the things I`m most worried about is how wrecked I will be to go get my daughter...and see all the children I`m leaving behind, in horrible living conditions, and without the love of a mommy and daddy. The orphanages are overflowing, there are soo many children, with DS alone, just waiting and waiting for a family. It breaks my heart to think that the majority of them will never be chosen to come home. Just look at these faces...waiting and waiting...and this is a very very small majority! http://waitingchildinfo.com/category/down-syndrome/ I`m also sad that there even exists such societies that choose to abandon children that aren`t "perfect". We`re only adopting one child, and sometimes that seems like just a drop in the bucket (and it is!) and hardly even worthwhile, and won`t even make a difference. But it WILL make a difference, in her life, definitely in our lives, and maybe even in someone elses life. And there will be ONE LESS ORPHAN, and I just have to remind myself that that`s one less than there would be otherwise.
Watch these videos... how can a heart not be stirred to see the plight?! It makes me hurt so badly to think of any child in these conditions...Bulgarian orphan baby struggles on and this one,God of Justice, Adoption awareness
Blessings on your week!
We are very close to submitting for Pre approval, and having a face and name to call our own. Just waiting on that pesky 30th birthday, that Ch*ina seems to require....I have a young husband, lol! Only 13 more days til that happy event! And barring any further complications, our homestudy will be done and sent flying on its way to USCIS, (immigration, to give us approval to bring a child into the US) by the end of the month, with lots of prayer for good things to happen quickly. (except, I`m not really sure that the word *quickly* can be used for any part of this process, but one can hope, right?!) And after that?! We will be DTC!! (Dossier to Ch*na, which all of our Very Important Papers, for Ch*na to approve) It`s really seeming real now, and not just something vague that we`re working towards. And the heavy heart...it`s really hit me just how many waiting children there are...not just in Ch*na, but all across the world. And how in the world can you pick just one child out of the many that deserve the same chance to have a family??!! And, honestly, one of the things I`m most worried about is how wrecked I will be to go get my daughter...and see all the children I`m leaving behind, in horrible living conditions, and without the love of a mommy and daddy. The orphanages are overflowing, there are soo many children, with DS alone, just waiting and waiting for a family. It breaks my heart to think that the majority of them will never be chosen to come home. Just look at these faces...waiting and waiting...and this is a very very small majority! http://waitingchildinfo.com/category/down-syndrome/ I`m also sad that there even exists such societies that choose to abandon children that aren`t "perfect". We`re only adopting one child, and sometimes that seems like just a drop in the bucket (and it is!) and hardly even worthwhile, and won`t even make a difference. But it WILL make a difference, in her life, definitely in our lives, and maybe even in someone elses life. And there will be ONE LESS ORPHAN, and I just have to remind myself that that`s one less than there would be otherwise.
Watch these videos... how can a heart not be stirred to see the plight?! It makes me hurt so badly to think of any child in these conditions...Bulgarian orphan baby struggles on and this one,God of Justice, Adoption awareness
Blessings on your week!
Monday, September 29, 2014
Fundraiser supper!
We managed to successfully pull off a Mexican themed fundraiser supper, on Sept. 13th, with the help of some very nice friends! There is no way we could have done it without all of the people that were willing to make food and help out the night of the supper. It was fun planning it and setting it all up and I would do it again! God blessed us so much that night, not only with the money that was donated but with all of the support we felt. I don`t have a lot of pictures, because I didn`t take a single one, but I have a few thanks to a friend that was there helping out.
We grilled the tortillas for the fajitas...and these are part of the grill team :)
We put chips and 4 kinds of dips down the tables. The dips were Guacamole, Queso Blanco, Pineapple salsa and Regular salsa, all freshly made and delicious!
For dessert, we did an icecream sundae bar, and dipped out cups of icecream to set on the cake plates.
Our menu for the Mexican meal was a buffet of Beef Fajitas, Chicken Tacos, Chicken Enchilada casserole, Cilantro lime Rice, Green Chile Rice, and all the yummy toppings that make it so good! Plus the chips and dips on the tables.
We had paper lanterns hanging above the food tables, even though you can`t see them in this pic...they were pretty cute, if I do say so myself :)
We served around 110 people, and it was so fun seeing everyone who came through the line!
The pictures on this table came at a great price...my sis-in-law, Betsy, took these, and did an awesome job (as usual!) But in the process of taking the pics, we got into some poision ivy or poision sumac...4 weeks later some of us are still itching :( It took 2 rounds of steroids to get me kinda back to normal, I had the pleasure of having an allergic reaction to the allergic reaction, and had hives all over...resulting in a Dr visit. Then a week later Chloe got it about as bad as me, and mine was starting to flare up again, so back to the Dr I went with her. Long story short....I`m never going back to the old lake, ever! That was the longest 3 weeks of my life, until I felt kinda normal again!!! Our whole family was on steroids, Mathan had it kinda bad also, and the other 3 kids started breaking out and I panicked and just put them all on the steroids to help them not get as bad as Chloe and I . Chloe missed 2 1/2 days of school over that whole deal. It was like no poision ivy I`ve ever had :) Someday we may laugh about it...but I just can`t do that yet!
We had $6000 that we were working towards to move on to the next step in the process...and we are down to only needing $2000 of that...slowly but surely it`s coming :) I get impatient but then am reminded that God is in control and it will happen in His timing. This $6000 will get our Dossier to China...and after that we will be working on funds for the rest of the process. Getting our dossier to China is a major step, and it will feel so good to have that part over with :) Anyone who has done this knows what I`m talking about!!! And then when December gets here and Mathan FINALLY turns 30, we can be matched with a child. Until he turns 30 we can`t submit anything to China, because both parents have to be 30....I don`t know about him, but I`ve been impatiently waiting his 30th birthday!
So we`re making progress, slowly but surely!
Much Thanks to everyone who helped us pull off this fun evening...it came together very well with all of your help!
Our menu for the Mexican meal was a buffet of Beef Fajitas, Chicken Tacos, Chicken Enchilada casserole, Cilantro lime Rice, Green Chile Rice, and all the yummy toppings that make it so good! Plus the chips and dips on the tables.
We had paper lanterns hanging above the food tables, even though you can`t see them in this pic...they were pretty cute, if I do say so myself :)
We served around 110 people, and it was so fun seeing everyone who came through the line!
The pictures on this table came at a great price...my sis-in-law, Betsy, took these, and did an awesome job (as usual!) But in the process of taking the pics, we got into some poision ivy or poision sumac...4 weeks later some of us are still itching :( It took 2 rounds of steroids to get me kinda back to normal, I had the pleasure of having an allergic reaction to the allergic reaction, and had hives all over...resulting in a Dr visit. Then a week later Chloe got it about as bad as me, and mine was starting to flare up again, so back to the Dr I went with her. Long story short....I`m never going back to the old lake, ever! That was the longest 3 weeks of my life, until I felt kinda normal again!!! Our whole family was on steroids, Mathan had it kinda bad also, and the other 3 kids started breaking out and I panicked and just put them all on the steroids to help them not get as bad as Chloe and I . Chloe missed 2 1/2 days of school over that whole deal. It was like no poision ivy I`ve ever had :) Someday we may laugh about it...but I just can`t do that yet!
We had $6000 that we were working towards to move on to the next step in the process...and we are down to only needing $2000 of that...slowly but surely it`s coming :) I get impatient but then am reminded that God is in control and it will happen in His timing. This $6000 will get our Dossier to China...and after that we will be working on funds for the rest of the process. Getting our dossier to China is a major step, and it will feel so good to have that part over with :) Anyone who has done this knows what I`m talking about!!! And then when December gets here and Mathan FINALLY turns 30, we can be matched with a child. Until he turns 30 we can`t submit anything to China, because both parents have to be 30....I don`t know about him, but I`ve been impatiently waiting his 30th birthday!
So we`re making progress, slowly but surely!
Much Thanks to everyone who helped us pull off this fun evening...it came together very well with all of your help!
Monday, August 4, 2014
Sometimes...
Ya'll....some days life is just HARD. Some days, as a momma, it`s all I can do to make it nicely through the day. (and mostly...mostly, I fail at the nicely part. In a very big way.) I see my failings oh so clearly, and they look so big and ugly.
And I wonder how and why I think that I can add a child with different needs than I have ever dealt with into this chaos we call life... maybe we`ll inadvertently do more harm than good! I despair at the whole adoption process, with all the paperwork, and going over and over our finances with the social worker, making sure that she sees the whole picture, not just what`s on paper. And I wonder why we can`t be just a little more wealthy, it would sure make this a lot easier!! And now figuring out another insurance option, which thanks to obamacare, is very hard to do right now. My mind rebels, and my heart gets a little stiff, and my attitude takes a big nosedive into the not so nice area. I think this might be the hardest thing I have ever done.
I want to be really clear...I`m not complaining, I chose this. We have a choice, and we`ve chosen the harder of the 2 choices. The thing is, I know we can take care of this little girl when she is home and in our arms. It`s the adoption process I`m not sure I can make it through!!! In this whole thing, somehow in my mind I feel like that everything always needs to look really good. I don`t feel like I should tell anyone how my day has REALLY went, for fear that I will be asked "then why are you adding another child to your family?"
I`ve come to the realization that it`s these hard times, the days that never seem to end, the paperwork and questions about the adoption that never seem to end, and the uncertainty in trying to make this all come together, that`s when God works. When I can`t seem to get it together, God works. When I can`t see beyond the long way ahead, and how hard it looks, He puts peace in my heart and the certainty that it will be okay, and it will be worked out in His timing. And I can see that I NEED this journey in my life, to help me see things differently than I ever have before. I`ve been shown just how much I hold onto material things in this life and how hard it is to let go of some of them, when in the big picture, they don`t matter one little bit!
I know that I can`t add another child with special needs into this family on my own strength...I`m trusting that Jesus will lead me and give me the strength that I will need to be a momma to 5 little children. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has given this desire to us, and He will not let us down. I feel like I`m being stretched so far beyond what I thought was even possible...and I *know, somehow, that this is just the beginning. I`m trusting that God will bring me through to the other side, and I will see Him so much more clearly.
Blessings on your week, Mammas! Keep on keeping on!
And I wonder how and why I think that I can add a child with different needs than I have ever dealt with into this chaos we call life... maybe we`ll inadvertently do more harm than good! I despair at the whole adoption process, with all the paperwork, and going over and over our finances with the social worker, making sure that she sees the whole picture, not just what`s on paper. And I wonder why we can`t be just a little more wealthy, it would sure make this a lot easier!! And now figuring out another insurance option, which thanks to obamacare, is very hard to do right now. My mind rebels, and my heart gets a little stiff, and my attitude takes a big nosedive into the not so nice area. I think this might be the hardest thing I have ever done.
I want to be really clear...I`m not complaining, I chose this. We have a choice, and we`ve chosen the harder of the 2 choices. The thing is, I know we can take care of this little girl when she is home and in our arms. It`s the adoption process I`m not sure I can make it through!!! In this whole thing, somehow in my mind I feel like that everything always needs to look really good. I don`t feel like I should tell anyone how my day has REALLY went, for fear that I will be asked "then why are you adding another child to your family?"
I`ve come to the realization that it`s these hard times, the days that never seem to end, the paperwork and questions about the adoption that never seem to end, and the uncertainty in trying to make this all come together, that`s when God works. When I can`t seem to get it together, God works. When I can`t see beyond the long way ahead, and how hard it looks, He puts peace in my heart and the certainty that it will be okay, and it will be worked out in His timing. And I can see that I NEED this journey in my life, to help me see things differently than I ever have before. I`ve been shown just how much I hold onto material things in this life and how hard it is to let go of some of them, when in the big picture, they don`t matter one little bit!
I know that I can`t add another child with special needs into this family on my own strength...I`m trusting that Jesus will lead me and give me the strength that I will need to be a momma to 5 little children. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has given this desire to us, and He will not let us down. I feel like I`m being stretched so far beyond what I thought was even possible...and I *know, somehow, that this is just the beginning. I`m trusting that God will bring me through to the other side, and I will see Him so much more clearly.
Blessings on your week, Mammas! Keep on keeping on!
Friday, June 13, 2014
From this...to this!
I can`t remember the last time I was so exhausted!! The last week and a half or two weeks have been spent getting ready for our garage sale and bake sale fundraisers. And thanks to some very nice awesome people we got it all accomplished!
We went from this....a royal mess in our garage...
... baked goods lining my counters...
And yummy cupcakes baked and decorated by an awesome sister in law and friend...(who are much more talented than me)
These were delicious, by the way :) Just look at that chocolate yumminess...
And now that our garage looks like a garage again, and is able to house a vehicle, this exhausted momma is going to get comfy and collapse!!!
We went from this....a royal mess in our garage...
These were delicious, by the way :) Just look at that chocolate yumminess...
All of that hard work ended translated into THIS (the lovely picture below)...which represents a large amount of money needed to help us keep the adoption process moving. God is so good and blessed us so much today, by all the helping hands, all the donations of stuff for the garage sale, all the people that said "keep the change" and the extra sets of hands that provided baked goods....It was far more successful than I ever dared to hope!
Friday, May 23, 2014
While We Wait....They Wait.
While we wait for the perfect timing
They hope they can wait another day.
While we wait for more money
They wait with nothing.
While we wait for a bigger home with enough room
They wait for enough room in our hearts.
While we wait for others approval...
They wait with any dignity they can find.
While we wait for the ideal child
They wait knowing they are not.
While we wait trying to decide if we can manage another
They wait trying to manage on their own.
While we wait to see how much we have to give them
They are waiting to give us even more.
While we wait for GOD to provide
He waits for us to take the first step so He can.
What are we waiting for?
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Little girl halfway around the world....
I miss her. How can you miss someone you haven`t even seen?? I was making snacks to take to school for Chloes 1/2 birthday ( since her bday is in August, and it`s VERY important to a 2nd grader that her bday be celebrated at school, we do her 1/2 bday ) and it just hit me. I don`t know when my other little girls birthday is yet, and how many birthdays and half birthdays have I missed? My heart hurts for what isn`t here, and everywhere I go I think, She would love this, or What would these people think about her? So weird, right?! :) I can`t wait to celebrate her birthday with her...we might have to have several in a year to make up for all the ones we`ve missed so far!
We have missed so much of her life...and I just want to get all that time back...but since that`s impossible, I`ll just settle for having her for the rest of her life :) Some people question why we would "saddle" ourselves with a handicapped child for the rest of our lives....we don`t feel like we`re giving anything up. We are so excited about the new things she will bring to our family, that we don`t really dwell on the fact that she is a little different, and will depend on us for her whole life. It`s just not that important! So what if we never have an "empty nest"...that might be sorta boring anyhow, don`t you think?!
So, little girl halfway around the world, we are coming for you just as soon as we can! And when we get there, we are going to make up for lost time, with birthday parties and all sorts of things! We just can`t hardly wait, and we trust that God is preparing your heart for all the changes that will come into your life in such a short amount of time when we come for you. I can only imagine how it would feel to be uprooted from everything that is familiar and be thrust so suddenly into the unfamiliar....but we trust that Jesus will make it all okay. And we are trusting that the unfamiliar becomes so much better to you than the familiar ever was...."Adopting one child won`t change the world...but for that one child, the world will change."
We had our first homestudy visit yesterday...and I was very pleasantly surprised at how comfortable it was! I have only good things to say about our agency, Lifeline, and would definitely recommend them to anyone. Prayer is very important to them, and every morning ALL of their staff stops at a certain time and prays for their families who are adopting....if we ever had a prayer need all we`d have to do is tell them and they would be in prayer for us about it. How awesome is that?! Our homestudy visit began and ended with prayer...which meant a lot to us :)
We are working on our garage sale and bake sale to help raise money for our adoption expenses...I get a little panicky feeling thinking about getting those 2 things pulled together, on top of all the other craziness that goes on around here.....they are on the same day at 2 seperate places...but we have family and friends that are very willing to help, and I know it WILL come together...I just hope I can gracefully come through it!!! I`m pretty bad at looking at the whole big picture instead of taking it one thing and one day at a time...with God all things are possible!
We have missed so much of her life...and I just want to get all that time back...but since that`s impossible, I`ll just settle for having her for the rest of her life :) Some people question why we would "saddle" ourselves with a handicapped child for the rest of our lives....we don`t feel like we`re giving anything up. We are so excited about the new things she will bring to our family, that we don`t really dwell on the fact that she is a little different, and will depend on us for her whole life. It`s just not that important! So what if we never have an "empty nest"...that might be sorta boring anyhow, don`t you think?!
So, little girl halfway around the world, we are coming for you just as soon as we can! And when we get there, we are going to make up for lost time, with birthday parties and all sorts of things! We just can`t hardly wait, and we trust that God is preparing your heart for all the changes that will come into your life in such a short amount of time when we come for you. I can only imagine how it would feel to be uprooted from everything that is familiar and be thrust so suddenly into the unfamiliar....but we trust that Jesus will make it all okay. And we are trusting that the unfamiliar becomes so much better to you than the familiar ever was...."Adopting one child won`t change the world...but for that one child, the world will change."
We had our first homestudy visit yesterday...and I was very pleasantly surprised at how comfortable it was! I have only good things to say about our agency, Lifeline, and would definitely recommend them to anyone. Prayer is very important to them, and every morning ALL of their staff stops at a certain time and prays for their families who are adopting....if we ever had a prayer need all we`d have to do is tell them and they would be in prayer for us about it. How awesome is that?! Our homestudy visit began and ended with prayer...which meant a lot to us :)
We are working on our garage sale and bake sale to help raise money for our adoption expenses...I get a little panicky feeling thinking about getting those 2 things pulled together, on top of all the other craziness that goes on around here.....they are on the same day at 2 seperate places...but we have family and friends that are very willing to help, and I know it WILL come together...I just hope I can gracefully come through it!!! I`m pretty bad at looking at the whole big picture instead of taking it one thing and one day at a time...with God all things are possible!
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