Every Child Has A Dream...to Belong and Be Loved

So...today I want to share something that is close to my heart! Every Child Has A Dream....it`s an adoption grant organization started by a young family with a heart for the fatherless, and a dream to help adoptive families with the expense of bringing a child into their family. They have worked hard to get this started and funds raised, and they have successfully gave out 2 grants to families! You can check out their website here http://www.everychildhasadream.com/ to learn about their work and the inspiration behind what they are doing. The grant requirements are Christian families with no prior divorce history in either spouse. While they aren`t opposed to helping families adopting young healthy children or infants, the greater focus is given to those adopting children with special needs or sibling sets.
 They have an Etsy shop,
 https://www.etsy.com/shop/EveryChildHasADream?page=1, which has several different things for sale, and I personally have bought some of their items and love them! Take a look, and you`ll probably see something you would like, and what better way to spend your money?! You can also find them on Facebook, check it out and "like" the page, Every Child Has A Dream,https://www.facebook.com/EveryChildHasADreamAdoptionGrantMinistry?fref=ts  so you can keep up with what they`re doing! They have a couple of fundraisers coming up so keep your eyes out for them.
Adoption is heartbreak and redemption, hope and brokenness, messy and hard...but I believe it is so worth it. I can personally attest to being deep into the process, and feeling so wrung out and trying not to worry about where all the finances would come from....just to know that there are ministeries out there that are willing to help ease the financial burden a bit....that means so much. It was actually a blog post wrote by Anna, who is one half of the manpower behind all the hours spent to make this happen,  here at http://moremudpiesandtutus.blogspot.com/?m=0 that spurred us on to make our dream become a reality, and opened our hearts to special needs adoption.
If you feel led, share this blog post, pray about supporting their ministry, search your heart to see if adoption is something you feel led to. There are so so many children waiting, just waiting, to be seen and loved.
Blessings on your week!

In the waiting...

Oh the waiting! Waiting to see what God is doing, what He`s going to do...sometimes I have a feeling of anticipation, to see how God will work this all out. Because it sure seems like He`s going to have to work a pretty big miracle! And the trusting...trust is hard for me. Period. And waiting is hard also :) I know when we were knee deep into the process and fundraising, I would see Gods provision and blessing...just not always in the way I thought it would be. Its funny, how we think that Gods blessings and miracles will be great miraculous things, when a lot of times it seems like they are so quiet we maybe don`t realize what it is at first.Maybe the miracle won`t be what I`m hoping it will be, but maybe a quieter miracle worked in my own heart.

But.

I`m finding God in the waiting, even though a lot of times it just feels like I`m all alone with this incredible grief and (sometimes) anger. Not just grief and sadness over the little girl that will never be ours, but also over what feels like the loss of a dream. Oh, we still have that dream, its just going to take a lot more work and trust than what we first thought. Maybe it will be soon (oh, how I hope) or maybe it will take many more years to see fruition. Only God knows! I try to be okay and trust God, and sometimes, I am successful, other times not so much. Other times the hurt and bewilderment and yes, anger, over how it has all turned out makes me ask WHY, and cry lots of tears. I can see God in this, but not how I thought it would be. I have a reluctant acceptance of things, and I *want to trust that God will work good out of all my feelings... I think its something like my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. Oh, so weak!

Honestly?

Mostly its okay, deep down, but sometimes its not. Its just always there, close to the surface, and then it just comes out. And I know that this hurt is nothing compared to what others are walking through and I tell myself that it could be so much worse. And sometimes I feel so...I don`t know, like I need to just get over it! So I`m trying :)

And now, time is moving on, and I`m 18 weeks pregnant, still sick a good bit, tired (obviously, who isn`t when pregnant) and hoping my heart issue would maybe let up a bit so I could have a bit more energy. And still waiting on that burst of energy and feeling good that`s supposed to accompany the 2nd trimester?! I think it may be passing me by... But otherwise, its going well, and my heart is starting to open up to this child I`m carrying. Atley is praying "PLEASE let it be a boy" and the girls are just excited that a real live tiny baby will be coming to live at our house :) Mama is just praying for a happy baby that will sleep! And they are all still praying every night, "help us to adopt another little girl" which still makes my heart hurt a bit at those words.

And for your viewing enjoyment, a picture, so you can all see how big I`m getting :)

So we go on, one day at a time, trusting and hoping that God will make His plan known in His time. And trusting that He in knitting this child together in His perfection. The verse that says "All things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are the called according to His purpose" has taken on a new meaning for me. 

Blessings on your week!

Hard things...

So this is a tough post to write, in more ways than one. As you know, we were so excited for Mathans 30th birthday, because then we would be able to start actively looking for our little girl. Well, that came and went, and we found the most perfect little girl. She was so cute and perfect and I just loved her (still do) so so much. She felt like "my" little girl. So we went about the business of getting our paperwork ready to send to China, requesting permission to adopt her, and had it all ready in less than 24 hrs!! We weren`t letting any grass grow under OUR feet!!
Fast forward a few days....we become aware of a very unplanned and pretty shocking event to happen in our lives. Baby # 5 will be joining our family in August. There, I said it. I`ve been trying to be in denial over everything that has happened so quickly but theres no denying it anymore. So because of the pregnancy and some other factors, we lost our wonderful little girl. We can`t move forward with her adoption at this time. I won`t say that I understand or want it to be like this, my preference wouldn`t be this road. Its been rough, that`s maybe an understatement. On top of grieving this little girl, who felt like my own and was loved SO MUCH already, I have been pretty sick with morning sickness, which is pretty much all day sickness. I have so many questions for God, most of which I`ll probably never have an answer to. I was so angry...I worked through that and now I`m kindof at the trying to accept part. I know deep down in my heart that God is good, always, my brain just doesn`t always get the memo. I also feel like that for God to give us this baby, right now, at this point in time, knowing we would lose our little girl, it must be a really special child. I`m just going to be blunt and honest, because this is what I`m working through...I`m having trouble accepting this pregnancy...I know how that sounds, I know..its just the truth and I`m working through it. So prayers for that would be most welcome.
We still feel led to adoption, and after the baby is born we will assess everything and more than likely start the process back up. My heart is towards adoption, I believe in it so much. Part of me has questioned God as to why it is better to bring another child into this world, than for us to bring a child into a home that has no home or family right now. I can`t see the answer to this question yet, and maybe never will but I have to trust that God is working something out for our good. Someone shared a quote with me that made me sit back and think and gave me hope..."Don`t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." I`m going to remember this.
I know there will be some questions regarding the money that people have so generously shared with us to bring our child home....at this time we still feel like there will be an adoption. It`ll just be a little longer down the road than we anticipated. If we come to a point where we feel we probably aren`t going to try again, we will return the money that we know who to give back to, and the rest we will pass onto another family that is adopting. If anyone has questions about this, please feel free to contact us. We want to be good stewards of what was given to us.
So in closing, we would ask for prayers as we work through this...this isn`t what we would have chosen but it`s where God has us for now. I would also ask for prayers for the little girl, that another family would see her and choose her, that she would have a family that will love her so much and teach her about Jesus. I can`t bear the thought of her staying in an orphanage, she needs to be loved. It hurts my heart to think about her, but I know God has a plan for her life also. I had bought some things for her...they have been put away and I don`t know if they will ever be gotten back out or not. Part of the reason I haven`t wanted to share this news with anyone is because I haven`t been in a good place to talk about the adoption or the pregnancy. Its coming but its still hard to talk about. If anyone has any questions please ask us, we will share. It literally feels like I lost one of my children that is here at home even though I never saw her in person or got to hold her. And thats probably what hurts the most, I`ll never get to see her, or cuddle her, or see her meet her siblings, who have prayed for her every night for a long time. I won`t get to see her meet her grandparents or her little cousins. But I will pray for her, that she will recieve all those things in another family.
Thanks for listening and if you feel to pray we would appreciate it!
Blessings on your week!

So close...and a heavy heart

Things are happening, and moving right along...F.i.N.a.L.l.Y We are very close to submitting for Pre approval, and having a face and name to call our own. Just waiting on that pesky 30th birthday, that Ch*ina seems to require....I have a young husband, lol! Only 13 more days til that happy event! And barring any further complications, our homestudy will be done and sent flying on its way to USCIS, (immigration, to give us approval to bring a child into the US) by the end of the month, with lots of prayer for good things to happen quickly. (except, I`m not really sure that the word *quickly* can be used for any part of this process, but one can hope, right?!) And after that?! We will be DTC!! (Dossier to Ch*na, which all of our Very Important Papers, for Ch*na to approve) It`s really seeming real now, and not just something vague that we`re working towards.

     And the heavy heart...it`s really hit me just how many waiting children there are...not just in Ch*na, but all across the world. And how in the world can you pick just one child out of the many that deserve the same chance to have a family??!!  And,  honestly, one of the things I`m most worried about is how wrecked I will be to go get my daughter...and see all the children I`m leaving behind, in horrible living conditions, and without the love of a mommy and daddy. The orphanages are overflowing, there are soo many children, with DS alone, just waiting and waiting for a family. It breaks my heart to think that the majority of them will never be chosen to come home. Just look at these faces...waiting and waiting...and this is a very very small majority! http://waitingchildinfo.com/category/down-syndrome/ I`m also sad that there even exists such societies that choose to abandon children that aren`t "perfect". We`re only adopting one child, and sometimes that seems like just a drop in the bucket (and it is!) and hardly even worthwhile, and won`t  even make a difference. But it WILL make a difference, in her life, definitely in our lives,  and maybe even in someone elses life.  And there will be ONE LESS ORPHAN, and I just have to remind myself that that`s one less than there would be otherwise.
Watch these videos... how can a heart not be stirred to see the plight?! It makes me hurt so badly to think of any child in these conditions...Bulgarian orphan baby struggles on and this one,God of Justice, Adoption awareness
Blessings on your week!

Fundraiser supper!

We managed to successfully pull off a Mexican themed fundraiser supper, on Sept. 13th, with the help of some very nice friends! There is no way we could have done it without all of the people that were willing to make food and help out the night of the supper. It was fun planning it and setting it all up and I would do it again! God blessed us so much that night, not only with the money that was donated but with all of the support we felt. I don`t have a lot of pictures, because I didn`t take a single one, but I have a few thanks to a friend that was there helping out.

We grilled the tortillas for the fajitas...and these are part of the grill team :)

We put chips and 4 kinds of dips down the tables. The dips were Guacamole, Queso Blanco, Pineapple salsa and Regular salsa, all freshly made and delicious!

For dessert, we did an icecream sundae bar, and dipped out cups of icecream to set on the cake plates.

Our menu for the Mexican meal was a buffet of Beef Fajitas, Chicken Tacos, Chicken Enchilada casserole, Cilantro lime Rice, Green Chile Rice, and all the yummy toppings that make it so good! Plus the chips and dips on the tables.

We had paper lanterns hanging above the food tables, even though you can`t see them in this pic...they were pretty cute, if I do say so myself :)

We served around 110 people, and it was so fun seeing everyone who came through the line! 

The pictures on this table came at a great price...my sis-in-law, Betsy, took these, and did an awesome job (as usual!) But in the process of taking the pics, we got into some poision ivy or poision sumac...4 weeks later some of us are still itching :( It took 2 rounds of steroids to get me kinda back to normal, I had the pleasure of having an allergic reaction to the allergic reaction, and had hives all over...resulting in a Dr visit. Then a week later Chloe got it about as bad as me, and mine was starting to flare up again, so back to the Dr I went with her. Long story short....I`m never going back to the old lake, ever! That was the longest 3 weeks of my life, until I felt kinda normal again!!! Our whole family was on steroids, Mathan had it kinda bad also, and the other 3 kids started breaking out and I panicked and just put them all on the steroids to help them not get as bad as Chloe and I . Chloe missed 2 1/2 days of school over that whole deal. It was like no poision ivy I`ve ever had :) Someday we may laugh about it...but I just can`t do that yet! 

We had $6000 that we were working towards to move on to the next step in the process...and we are down to only needing $2000 of that...slowly but surely it`s coming :) I get impatient but then am reminded that God is in control and it will happen in His timing. This $6000 will get our Dossier to China...and after that we will be working on funds for the rest of the process. Getting our dossier to China is a major step, and it will feel so good to have that part over with :) Anyone who has done this knows what I`m talking about!!! And then when December gets here and Mathan FINALLY turns 30, we can be matched with a child. Until he turns 30 we can`t submit anything to China, because both parents have to be 30....I don`t know about him, but I`ve been impatiently waiting his 30th birthday!
So we`re making progress, slowly but surely!
Much Thanks to everyone who helped us pull off this fun evening...it came together very well with all of your help!

Sometimes...

Ya'll....some days life is just HARD. Some days, as a momma, it`s all I can do to make it nicely through the day. (and mostly...mostly, I fail at the nicely part. In a very big way.) I see my failings oh so clearly, and they look so big and ugly.
And I wonder how and why I think that I can add a child with different needs than I have ever dealt with into this chaos we call life... maybe we`ll inadvertently do more harm than good! I despair at the whole adoption process, with all the paperwork, and going over and over our finances with the social worker, making sure that she sees the whole picture, not just what`s on paper. And I wonder why we can`t be just a little more wealthy, it would sure make this a lot easier!!  And now figuring out another insurance option, which thanks to obamacare, is very hard to do right now.  My mind rebels, and my heart gets a little stiff, and my attitude takes a big nosedive into the not so nice area. I think this might be the hardest thing I have ever done.
I want to be really clear...I`m not complaining, I chose this. We have a choice, and we`ve chosen the harder of the 2 choices. The thing is, I know we can take care of this little girl when she is home and in our arms. It`s the adoption process I`m not sure I can make it through!!!  In this whole thing, somehow in my mind I feel like that everything always needs to look really good. I don`t feel like I should tell anyone how my day has REALLY went, for fear that I will be asked "then why are you adding another child to your family?"
I`ve come to the realization that it`s these hard times, the days that never seem to end, the paperwork and questions about the adoption that never seem to end, and the uncertainty in trying to make this all come together,  that`s when God works. When I can`t seem to get it together, God works. When I can`t see beyond the long way ahead, and how hard it looks,  He puts peace in my heart and the certainty that it will be okay, and it will be worked out in His timing. And I can see that I NEED this journey in my life, to help me see things differently than I ever have before. I`ve been shown just how much I hold onto material things in this life and how hard it is to let go of some of them, when in the big picture, they don`t matter one little bit!
I know that I can`t add another child with special needs into this family on my own strength...I`m trusting that Jesus will lead me and give me the strength that I will need to be a momma to 5 little children. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has given this desire to us, and He will not let us down. I feel like I`m being stretched so far beyond what I thought was even possible...and I *know, somehow, that this is just the beginning. I`m trusting that God will bring me through to the other side, and I will see Him so much more clearly.
Blessings on your week, Mammas! Keep on keeping on!

From this...to this!

I can`t remember the last time I was so exhausted!! The last week and a half or two weeks have been spent getting ready for our garage sale and bake sale fundraisers. And thanks to some very nice awesome people we got it all accomplished!

We went from this....a royal mess in our garage...

 ... baked goods lining my counters...

 And yummy cupcakes baked and decorated by an awesome sister in law and friend...(who are much more talented than me)

 These were delicious, by the way :) Just look at that chocolate yumminess...

All of that hard work ended translated into THIS (the lovely picture below)...which represents a large amount of money needed to help us keep the adoption process moving. God is so good and blessed us so much today, by all the helping hands, all the donations of stuff for the garage sale, all the people that said "keep the change" and the extra sets of hands that provided baked goods....It was far more successful than I ever dared to hope!

And now that our garage looks like a garage again, and is able to house a vehicle,  this exhausted momma is going to get comfy and collapse!!!