The Post Where I Bare My Heart...

There are so many thoughts floating around in my mind that I can`t hardly keep up with them...(my husband would have something quite witty to say about that right about now if he were reading this )  All these thoughts about  adoption and wondering how  God will actually provide in all of this?! It's seeming to be quite different when you're the one in the middle of it, not just reading the exciting FB updates and blog posts of others that talk about how God has provided for this or that need! I feel it deep inside me, that this is good and it is right and God has given this to us....why then is it so hard to rest in God and trust that He will make it happen? Staring at a cost of $30,000 (or more, gasp!) makes me feel quite weak kneed! You would think, that since all we are asked to do is trust in God, that it would be so simple....but I`m finding out like I have never before, that resting in God is actually VERY hard work. More than likely I make it harder than it's supposed to be...I`m pretty good at doing that! I`m very "type A", like to have my plan of action all planned out and know where I`m going and how I`m going to get there.  But that`s where I start forgetting that God is in control and I don`t depend on Him like He wants me to. I start thinking that I have to make this happen, if I don`t do it, how else will it get done?!?!  I feel like I`m where God wants me, and God is using this whole situation to get my attention. It is very clear to me that only God can work this work, nothing I do will really make a difference.  Satan loves to have a hayday with our doubts and fears, and any way he can get into our lives, he will. He loves to make us doubt that God really and truly loves us, and that Gods grace and mercy is ENOUGH. If that is all we had, it would still be ENOUGH.  My God is big enough to move mountains, and He is definitely bigger than this large sum of money and uncertain journey.  I know deep in my heart it will be okay in the end....but sometimes my brain is so much slower to catch on! So I`m holding on to the end result of all of this process...that day when I see my child and hold him/her in my arms for the first time! It`s amazing how you can love someone so much that you have never even seen in real life, and that lives so far away :)